We return to Carry On up the Danube. Everyone has squeezed across the bridge - presumably chanting "here we go, here we go, here we go" the entire time. Only Denisov and his squadron of Hussars are left to face the enemy. They're not actually facing the enemy right now, they're watching Cossack scouts fight them on a nearby hill, but they will be next in line. Now the Cossacks have been defeated, and there is a moment of tension as Denisov's Hussars face the French, waiting for battle to begin. I'm still getting a football match vibe. Rostov is in the group and is very proud to be showing how good he is at being in an army, under fire. Denison still doesn't believe they will actually have to fight and Rostov is having hero fantasies. Yet, despite this adolescent, war-games vibe, they are all gaining a specific been-to-war expression.
Apparently, the plan was to get everyone - including the Hussars - over the bridge and then set fire to it. People are now arguing over exactly whose job it was to start the fire and who should have told them to do it. Bureaucratic chaos. I feel like a lot of the humour in this book comes from the war-like nature of society and the manners of the war-zone (this may be a welcome-to-the-point moment).
Denisov's lot are running across the bridge now and Rostov is actually starting to feel properly scared. Someone gets shot and Nesvitski is shocked. Someone dying in a warzone? This is so uncivilised! If Nesvitski were Tsar, he "would never go to war". The bridge is finally set on fire, so now the French shots are just because the targets are there and not with the goal of preventing the bridge fire.
Rostov is struck by how unlike his war-hero fantasies this battle is. There are no easy targets to mow down, and he didn't even bring any burning straw for the bridge. This is reminding me a lot of Monstrous Regiment, especially the comments about training by stabbing straw men until you can believe all men are made of straw. Also, an old joke about a new soldier who is an absolute crack shot. They put him on the front lines and tell him to "fire at will". Two alternative punchlines; "But sir, which one's Will?" or "but sir, there are people in the way!".
Someone near Rostov gets shot, and since he can't help with that either he ends up gazing out onto the Danube. He has become very poetic in his fear of death. He realises he is a coward, but luckily no one else has noticed because they basically everyone has this reaction and also they were quite busy. The chapter ends with Rostov being sent to report a great victory; only two Hussars dead and one knocked out.
