In Which We Discuss War and Peace, Part 2, Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Napoleon is coming for Kutuzov's army of 40,000 tired Russians, so his choices are to remain and engage Napoleon's 150,000 cheese-eating surrender monkeys, wander into the Bohemian mountains to try to find a route of the road, or retreat back to Olmutz to meet more more soldiers who are russian to meet him.  He picks the latter, which has a risk of meeting the French who had crossed the Vienna bridge, who are three times as strong and will be able to hem in in on both sides.  I am no general, but that does not seem like a good thing.

via GIPHY

The French are are heading toward Znaim, 66 miles away.  If Kutuzov reaches Znaim before them, he can block them, I think?  He sends Bagration out with a vanguard of 4000.  Their job is to stop the French entering Znaim from Vienna.  A third of them are lost during the forced march, but they make it!  Still, they are knackered and hungry, and having to face the entire enemy army, which is clearly impossible.  So Bagration pretends a truce is being negotiated so the French won't attack for a bit and his men can recover.  It works until Napoleon sends a letter telling his army they've been tricked, and decides to deliver it himself, with even more of his army.

Bagration's poor men are trying to enjoy a nice breakfast of porridge for the first time in three days. And that's where the chapter ends.  Dundundun....

In Which We Discuss War and Peace, Part 2, Chapters 11, 12 and 13

Chapter 11

In the morning, Prince Andrew needs to be presented to the Emperor Francis.   He goes to Bilibin's study where Prince Hippolyte Kuragin (son of Vasili and brother to Anatole and Helene) is waiting, among others.  They are a collection of "young, gay society men" (smirk), almost exclusively diplomats, and have interests related to "high society, certain women, and the official side of the service".  They meet up and gossip a little bit about society, but mostly about the women.  Like The Inbetweeners, if they had better clothes and jobs.  Prince Hippolyte is the one they all make fun of.

Chapter 12

Prince Andrew is finally in front of Emperor Francis.  He's not very interested in hearing Prince Andrew's dramatic story and keeps interrupting with boring questions like "what time did the battle begin?".  Afterwards, Andrew learns that an important bridge has been crossed by the French army, despite it being fitted with bombs and ordered to be blown up to prevent exactly this.  No one knows why it wasn't destroyed, and the Russian army is cut off.  Prince Andrew is thrilled; this his clearly his destined opportunity to be a war hero and lead the Russian army to victory from the jaws of defeat.  Bilibin tells Prince Andrew that the French took the bridge by trickery, which seems to impress him.  When he realises that Prince Andrew intends to return for honour and glory or some other idiocy, he tries to persuade him not to, and calls him a hero.  I have decided not to read it as a compliment.

Chapter 13

Prince Andrew sets off for the army - though he doesn't know where it is - while the rest of the court packs up to head to Olmutz.  Prince Andrew is having happy dreams of either winning or dying gloriously, whichever comes first.  As Terry Pratchett would say, there's an important word in that sentence, and it's not the word "gloriously".

Prince Andrew manages to accidentally stumble into the army.  I guess an army is a hard thing to miss.  He gets poached by Kutuzov, despite wanting to go with Prince Bagration, who I swear we haven't met before.  I think that's the group his friends are in.  Kutuzov will hear none of it.

Okay, I googled, and Pyotr Bagration is a real Russian general whom Tolstoy considered the "hero of heroes".  He dies at Borodino in November 1812, so we have that to look forward to.

In Which We Discuss War and Peace, Part 2, Chapters 9 & 10

Chapter 9

The Russians are vastly outnumbered by the French army and the civilian population are not greeting them as heroes, as they had expected.  This is not going well.  They are also out of supplies, and so they are retreating, fighting only enough to protect their equipment.  However, even their enemies acknowledge that they fight with courage and endurance - and it's the third-person narration saying this, not darling Bory's mother - which still only serves to make them retreat faster.  This is a solid, tactical move, but not the noble war they thought they'd be fighting.  Kutuzov was instructed, by Austrians, to mount an offensive at Vienna, but that plan has gone out of the window.  His only goal is to join with the advancing Russian forces without losing his entire army "as Mack had done at Ulm".  I'm sure the text has referenced Mack before.  Yes it has, in book 2, chapter 4 and I talked about it then.  Mack is Karl Mack Von Lieberich, who suffered a defeat.  This was a big deal, presumably because he lost his entire army.

We zoom back in on the 28th of October.  The Russians have actually beaten back a French division and taken banners, cannons, and two generals!  They are very pleased about this.  Rumours have begun that they have - or will very shortly - beat back Napoleon himself.  The Austrian General Prince Andrew was buttling, or whatever the term is, has been killed in action and so Prince Andrew doesn't have a specific job right now, so he gets sent to tell the Austrian court of the Great and Glorious Russian victory.  Apparently this is an important step towards a potential promotion.  Also, Prince Andrew has a deceptive level of physical endurance, considering his lack of musculature.  We're following him, as he rides along in the night, enjoining the calm and the sense of accomplishment and having happy little daydreams about how excited they'll be to see him and how grand his proclamations will be.  That begins to fade as he gets closer to delivering his message and he begins to feel disdainful towards those far from the front lines.  The minister of war is indifferent, and Prince Andrew is left feeling hollow.

Chapter 10

Prince Andrew is staying at Brunn with Bilibin, a Russian diplomat.  Is he not going back to the war zone?  He's enjoying all the comfort he's been deprived of anyhow.  He's also happy to be speaking to a fellow countryman, even though they're speaking French.  Bilibin and Prince Andrew knew each other back in St Petersburg, and both are young men with promising careers.  Prince Andrew complains about his reception, and Bilibin points out that it wasn't a very impressive victory.  Prince Andrew points out that the Austrians have been losing, so how can they be unimpressed by a Russian victory?  Because they're Austrian, is the answer, and also because Viena isn't liberated from the French, Bilibin explains in French.  Prince Andrew begins to understand that his news really isn't all that impressive.  He is very small and sad.  Still, he gets to spend the night in a nice, clean, feather bed with "warmed and fragrant" pillows, so it's not all bad.  The battle has now become a happy daydream and a story about his own heroics.

In Which We Discuss War and Peace: Part 2, Chapter 8

Chapter 8

We return to Carry On up the Danube.  Everyone has squeezed across the bridge - presumably chanting "here we go, here we go, here we go" the entire time.  Only Denisov and his squadron of Hussars are left to face the enemy.  They're not actually facing the enemy right now, they're watching Cossack scouts fight them on a nearby hill, but they will be next in line.  Now the Cossacks have been defeated, and there is a moment of tension as Denisov's Hussars face the French, waiting for battle to begin.  I'm still getting a football match vibe.  Rostov is in the group and is very proud to be showing how good he is at being in an army, under fire. Denison still doesn't believe they will actually have to fight and Rostov is having hero fantasies.  Yet, despite this adolescent, war-games vibe, they are all gaining a specific been-to-war expression.

Apparently, the plan was to get everyone - including the Hussars - over the bridge and then set fire to it.  People are now arguing over exactly whose job it was to start the fire and who should have told them to do it.  Bureaucratic chaos.  I feel like a lot of the humour in this book comes from the war-like nature of society and the manners of the war-zone (this may be a welcome-to-the-point moment).

Denisov's lot are running across the bridge now and Rostov is actually starting to feel properly scared.  Someone gets shot and Nesvitski is shocked.  Someone dying in a warzone?  This is so uncivilised!  If Nesvitski were Tsar, he "would never go to war".  The bridge is finally set on fire, so now the French shots are just because the targets are there and not with the goal of preventing the bridge fire.

Rostov is struck by how unlike his war-hero fantasies this battle is.  There are no easy targets to mow down, and he didn't even bring any burning straw for the bridge.  This is reminding me a lot of Monstrous Regiment, especially the comments about training by stabbing straw men until you can believe all men are made of straw.  Also, an old joke about a new soldier who is an absolute crack shot.  They put him on the front lines and tell him to "fire at will".  Two alternative punchlines; "But sir, which one's Will?" or "but sir, there are people in the way!".

Someone near Rostov gets shot, and since he can't help with that either he ends up gazing out onto the Danube.  He has become very poetic in his fear of death.  He realises he is a coward, but luckily no one else has noticed because they basically everyone has this reaction and also they were quite busy.  The chapter ends with Rostov being sent to report a great victory; only two Hussars dead and one knocked out.

In Which We Discuss War and Peace: Book 2, Chapters 6 and 7

I forgot to mention; I hit 12% halfway through the last chapter!

Chapter 6

We now zoom out a little, to learn more about how the war is going more generally.  The army is falling back towards Vienna.  We join them as they are walking through Enns, looking over the Danube.  I must therefore insist that you play the following as you read this post.

I looked it up; Enns is East-South-East of Linz.  The soldiers - none of whom I recognise - are having a picnic there.  Prince Nesvitski has pies and real Doppelkummel to share.  Doppelkummel is alcohol, and apparently there is/was regional disagreement on how it should be made.

The officers are enjoying sightseeing.  They saw deer!  This is a very civilised day trip.  There's even entertainment laid on; they're watching the troops fighting and talking about raiding a nearby nunnery.  I feel like I'm watching Carry On Up the Danube.

The infantry don't appear to be following orders correctly, so Nesvitski is sent to investigate.  He jokes about going to see the nuns instead, certain that they will be pleased to see him, a la Terry of Herland.  The officers settle down to carry on watching the show.

Chapter 7

Nesvitski is stuck on the bridge with a crowd of soldiers.  There is still very much a day-out feel, even though cannons are being fired at them (it hit the Danube).  Denisov - whose first name is Vaska - starts shouting to be let through; he wants to talk to Nesvitski.  He eventually gets through, while all the men gape at the only woman in the vicinity and offer to buy her.  This is very unpleasant.  We end the chapter with the filthy infantry and shiny clean hussars having a bit of banter.  Now I feel like I'm at a football match.

In Which We Discuss War and Peace: Part 2, Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It is now evening and there is a ruckus ("animated discussion") occurring in Denisov's quarters.  A staff captain named Kirsten - who has been twice demoted for affairs of honour and then promoted again, so there is hope for Denisov yet - is demanding that Nikolai Rostov must apologise to the commander.  I am unclear as to what for.

Oh, apparently he was wrong to accuse an officer of stealing in front of officers.  I think, after confronting Telyanin, he repeated the accusation to the colonel, Bogdanich, who then called him a liar, which is what Rostov is annoyed about.  I would be too.  Telling the truth about Telyanin's behaviour - in front of officers, no less - means that they have to either do something about it and look bad.

It's like how we call the Spanish Flu the Spanish Flu, not because Spain was hit worse, or because it originated the virus, but because they were the first country to openly talk about the problem.  It's also like all those college campuses who can't talk about their sexual assault problem because no one else is.  You have to talk about problems and acknowledge them to have a hope in hell of fixing them.  Why is it better to live with a problem no one knows about than to just solve it?  I do not like this.

Rostov doesn't like being called a liar but also doesn't feel as strongly as me, so he decides to let things be smoothed over.  Get it together, Little Nicky (that is his name now).

In Which We Discuss War and Peace: Part 2, Chapter 4

I have two Russian classmates who have been able to shed some light on some things that were confusing me.  For instance, addressing someone with their patronomic is respectful but less distant that using their full name.  And Archduke Ferdinand is Ferdinand von Wintzingerode. 

Also, I checked my stats and I noticed that most of my readers are from Russia.  Privyet!  Any mistakes or misinterpretations are mine alone.  I feel a bit self-conscious now.

Chapter 4

We are still with the army, specifically Nikolai Rostov, the eldest Rostov son, who is quartered in Salzenick in Germany (remember, Anna and Darling Bory went to see the Rostovs; Natasha/Natalya is their youngest).  He is living with Vasily Denisov, the calvary-captain and squadron commander.  It is October 11th (I have forgotten the year) and the camp is astir "with the news of Mack's defeat".  I don't know how Mack is.  My Russian lab partner is looking it up in the original.

Okay, Mack is Karl Mack von Leiberich, who was defeated in 1805.  Apparently this is a big deal.  Denisov has been out losing at cards.  I am going to assume he was playing with Dolokhov.  Nikolai Rostov has been out for a foraging expedition.  He is met by several (two) hussars, because he is known to be a liberal tipper.  After greeting his German landlord - in German - he gets Denisov's manservant, Lavrushka, to bring him some coffee.  Nikolai Rostov (I need some kind of nickname for him, but for now I'm just going with that) appears to be having a lot of fun, exercising and playing soldiers in the healthy fresh air.  Denisov - who cannot pronounce his 'r's - is back.  He is bored with playing at soldiering, especially since there aren't even any women around.  He's also bored of drinking and losing at cards constantly.  He is eager to get to war; I have a suspicion that he will regret this.

Lieutenant Telyanin enters.  No one likes him, including Nikolai Rostov.  Possibly because Telyanin sold him a horse for twice the price it was worth. They go off to look at the horse, and when Rostov gets back, Denisov is writing a letter.  Rostov offers to lend him some money, and it turns out that Denisov's purse is missing.

Rostov immediately suspects Telyanin and goes off to confront him.  He's happy with seeing Telyanin begging for his career not to be ruined and lets him keep the money.  I'm with Denisov, I want these guys to get to the actual warzone.

In Which We Discuss War and Peace: Part 2, Chapter 3

Perhaps I should go back and read the spark notes for the sections I'm up to so far.  I'm sure I've missed some things.

Chapter 3

We're now following Kutuzov, who is meeting with the Austrian General, having received a letter from Archduke Ferdinand of Austria.  This is not the Archduke Franz Ferdinand whose shooting was the tipping point for the start of WWI.  He won't be born until 1863.  Nor is it his father, who was called Archduke Karl Ludwig.  As far as I can tell, this character is fictitious, but may or may not be based on Karl Ludwig.  Who knows.  Prince Andrew walks in while Kutuzov is talking about how very sorry he is that he has not been ordered to join his troops with the Austrian army.

Andrew is being referred to in the text as 'Bolkonsky' a lot more now; perhaps the use of different names illustrates relationships and roles?  I'm going to stick with Andrew anyway.  Apparently, Prince Andrew now has a purpose in life and his face reflects that, instead of his previous spoilt-bratness.  Good for him.  He tells off a friend of his for joking about the war, considering the number of deaths so far.  In French though, so he's still a bit of an aristo-wanker.

I read over the spark notes, and apparently the characters speaking French highlights the irony of Russia going to war with France while still considering aristocracy and French to be aligned.  Also, apparently Dolokhov is one of Pierre's friends.  That rings a bell.  Presumably, he was drinking with the bear.

Edit: I found Dolokhov.  He's a famous 'rake and scapegrace' along with Anatole.  He is poor but tends to win at cards, so it doesn't matter.  He's the one who bet he could drink an entire bottle while standing outside on the window ledge.  With the bear.  I still don't understand why they even had a bear.

In Which We Discuss War and Peace: Part 2, Chapters I and 2

Part 2

Chapter I

It is now October 1805.  If I remembered when this book started, that would presumably tell me how much time had passed.  I just checked; it began in July 1805.  That doesn't tell me how long it's been since Andrew left Lisa with his father; a lot has happened since that first party.

A regiment is about to be inspected, so after a twenty mile march, they've been cleaning all night so that they look like gentlemen and not soldiers who've just marched twenty miles.  This is the same kind of ridiculousness that had Lisa and Marya crying "sister my sister" at each other for ten minutes straight, having only met once before.

The only thing that is not completely spick and span is their boots, because they've marched a total of 700 miles without new ones, despite repeated requests.  But they look all right.  That's the main thing.  By jingo, they are having a jolly good time.

Then, they get another message.  The intention was that they be inspected in the condition in which they'd actually arrived, to show the shocking lack of provisions (such as boots).  They have an hour to change into their great coats and muddy themselves up.  Maybe they should just roll around on the ground?  That would show off their nice holey boots.  The regimental commander shouts at Dolokhov for wearing a great coat of the wrong colour, despite the fact that he's wearing it with the regimental commander's permission, because he's been degraded from an officer.  He shouts a bit about badges and the importance of standing straight, then comes back to complain about Dolokhov some more.  Dolokhov tells him off.

Chapter II

Kutuzov arrives to inspect the regiment.   The regimental commander is very obsequious.  Kutuzov does notice the boots and looks very disappointed.  Kutuzov greets Timokhin, because he served with him in the past, which means that the regimental commander has to suddenly decide to like him.  Kutuzov also reveals that Timokhin is a drunk; this may or may not be relevant in future.  Prince Andrew decides to remind Kutuzov about Dolokhov being presented; apparently, he'd been told to do that before.  Kutzukov  states that he hopes Dolokhov is learning a lesson through his demotion, and Dolokhov loudly proclaims that he only hopes for a chance to prove himself to the Emperor and Russia.  Dolohov's entire attitude reads as 'bite me', tbh (I couldn't find a gif of Yuri saying 'bite me', so have two gifs instead).

Incidentally, I just looked it up and Russian Princes may be better translated as English Dukes or Barons.

The regimental commander and Timokhin have a nice gossip about Dolokhov as the army moves on.  Apparently, he swings between sensible and "like a beast".  He's also a pretty legendary figure amongst the men, who then turn to gossiping about the war and Napoleon.  The band is called to the front to sing a nice song about Father Kutuzov.  Zherkov, another soldier, has now decided that he can be friends with Dolokhov again, now that Dolokhov has been acknowledged by General Kuzutkov.  Dolokhov's attitude is still 'bite me', disguised beneath a layer of politeness.

...and, with the end of this chapter, the book finally goes from 10% to 11%!

In Which We Discuss War and Peace: Chapter XXVIII

Chapter XXVIII

Prince Andrew hides away because he is worried about going to war and possibly about leaving his wife, and he doesn't want to show weakness.  Marya finds him, and through their conversation we learn that both Michael Ivanovitch and Mademoiselle Bourienne are Prince Nick's charity cases, which is what he likes about them.  They remind him of his own innate goodness.   Marya has inherited this; she loves Lisa because Lisa is such a sweet innocent child and she feels sorry for her.  Marya also likes her charity cases.  Andrew has an ironical and contemptuous look at this.

They move to talking about Prince Nick; Marya has been trying to convert him to religion.  She doesn't understand why such a smart man can't see the obvious (the obvious being that God exists and everyone should be Christian, apparently).  She makes Andrew kiss an icon, which he does, because he loves her.

Lisa has been crying to Marya about being unhappy.  Andrew retorts that he has nothing to reproach himself with and has not reproached his wife.  He just doesn't love her.  Marya thinks he should ask God about that.  Andrew goes to see Lisa, meeting mademoiselle Bourienne along the way; it is implied that she has been stalking with him to flirt with him.  He looks at her with contempt and she leaves.  He catches Lisa practicing telling stories, so that maybe she'll be charming and funny and everyone will her next time, and it's just so sad.

Prince Andrew is very kind; he comes and strokes her hair.  Then he goes to say goodbye to his father and leave instructions for Lisa's confinement.  He insists that they bring in a proper Moscow doctor.  Nick rolls his eyes but agrees.  They do a bit of male-bonding over having a wife, and Prince Nick gives Andrew a letter for Michael Ilariovich/Kuzukov, who will be above him when he gets to the army.  He is to be promoted as soon as possible, and Nick tells him not to serve under anyone he doesn't like.  I so badly want to see what happens when this privileged rich kid ends up in an active warzone.  Nick also gives his son a copy of his memoirs, to be delivered to the emperor on Nick's death.  He ends with (paraphrased) "come back with your shield or on it".  In return, Andrew asks that, if he is killed, and he has a son, have him raised in Bald Hills rather than with his mother.  Andrew leaves with his father shouting 'good-by' at him, only to run into his wife, who faints, and his sister.  Nick may have shouted Andrew out of the room so no one would see him cry; he's blowing his nose a lot.

After Andrew's said goodbye to Marya and left, Nick looks out to confirm he's gone and gives Lisa a dirty look.  How dare she be unconscious while carrying his grandchild, potentially grandson?  Or is just that it's an unscheduled fainting fit?  I don't even know.  I wonder what he'll do if she fails to give birth on her due date?  This family are a massive bunch of dicks, but at least one of them is entertaining.  I feel sorry for Lisa; she's reminding me a lot of Isabella Linton, the woman Heathcliff married instead of Cathy.  I am of the firm opinion that Heathcliff and Cathy should have just married each other and made only two people miserable instead of the entire cast.

...and that's the end of part 1!  We're 10% through this doorstop!

In Which We Discuss War and Peace; Chapters XXVI and XXVII

It's been a while so I reread my last two posts.  I've realised that Marya Bolkonskaya is the perfect anathema to her father's ideas, and that that is probably intentional.

Chapter XXVII

We're still at bald hills.  Prince Andrew and his pregnant wife have arrived.  His father, Prince Nick, is napping and his schedule cannot be disrupted for any reason, so Prince Andrew knows he won't be seeing him right now.  They go to see Marya to kill the 20 minutes until Prince Nick's pre-determined waking time.  Marya is practicing the piano - presumably, it was on the schedule - so Andrew's wife greets Marya's friend, Mademoiselle Bourienne instead.  Have we met her before?

The two sisters-in-law greet each other like long-lost lovers, despite only having met once, at Andrew and Lisa's wedding.  I just looked up her name, I don't think it's been mentioned yet.  I also learned that Andrew is unusual in not being based on a real person.  Andrew tries not to role his eyes as they continue with the crying and kissing.  Mademoiselle Bourienne joins in, and Andrew becomes even more uncomfortable because he is the straight man in this scene (as opposed to the earlier scene with the bear).

When the kissing and crying are finally done, Andrew gives his sister the more-reasonable greeting of a kiss on the cheek.  She pours gossip on him; someone named Kitty has married an old man, and Marya herself might be getting married...but then she gets distracted by the idea that her brother might go to war.  He is leaving Lisa - who is definitely pregnant - here at Bald Hills while he does so.  Andrew and Marya do some sibling-bonding over their father's schedules, then Andrew leaves Lisa and Marya while he goes to see Prince Nick, who has compromised in his routine by letting his son into the room while he continues to dress for dinner.  Prince Nick pokes fun at the military and completely ignores the mention of his future grandchild.  Perhaps grandchildren are not scheduled yet.  Andrew - gradually moved from Russian to French, because that's a thing - explains the strategy.  The army will threaten Prussia, draw her into the war, and then join the Swedish forces at Strausland.  The Austrians and Russians will operate in Italy while Russians and English land at Naples to attack the French from different sides.  Hey, we're in this!

During this description, Prince Nick decides that it is time to ask about his grandchild.  He doesn't appear to approve of the plan, but as Prince Andrew points out, that isn't Andrew's fault.  Prince Nick quotes a little French poem, which appears to mean he is sad that his son is going away, possibly to die.  I am so smart.

Chapter XXVII

Now is the proper time for dinner.  Prince Nick has invited Michael Ivanovitch (who blows his nose in the corner at parties) to prove to his children that everyone is equal.  He seems to like talking to Michael, even if he is a public nose-blower.  There are footmen and butlers everywhere, and they are all very anxious about the schedule.  Andrew makes fun of the family tree on the wall before Prince Nick enters, at exactly 2pm.  He comments on Lisa's pregnancy, suspiciously well-developed for so soon a date after the wedding and suggests that she walk more.  Poor Lisa.  Even the narrative calls her fat.

The prince decides to bring up Napoleon again, by pretending that he and Michael Ivanovitch had discussed the topic before.  Michael goes along with it because he knows that he's a living prop in this mansion.  'They' don't think Napoleon is a big deal, and 'they' think it's ridiculous for so many forces to go against him.  Prince Nick thinks all young folk are idiots who cannot see their noses in front of their faces, and that Napoleon is a jumped up little upstart and they should all stop panicking (I paraphrase).  Prince Andrew decides to point out something stupid one of his father's heroes did once, to highlight the rose-tinted nostalgia.  Nick sidesteps the issue, and points out that Napoleon is not a great general on his merits; he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.  Besides, all he's beaten are the Germans, and "only idlers fail to beat the Germans".  Prince Andrew just lets Nick rant for the rest of dinner; neither will change their mind.  Nick teases Mademoiselle Bourienne who protests that she is "not a Buonapartist!".  Lisa confides to Marya that she is a little scared of Nick.  Marya just witters that he's kind.